Put Down the Phone and Be Present

During my school years I had my best friend's phone number memorized. In fact, I still remember it to this day. I remember picking up the receiver to that yellow phone on the wall, punching in her number and anxiously waiting for the "hello?" on the other end, so I could ask her if I could spend the night.

When that phone on the wall rang, I would happily yell "I got it!" — because it could have been that friend, or in later years, that boy I wanted to date. I could talk for hours on end had my parents allowed it.

Before phones became computers that could connect to the limitless distractions of the world wide web, they connected us to people. Long gone are those days for most. In fact, while smartphones still have a calling feature, many people rarely use it. Instead, they text short sentences made even shorter with abbreviations and acronyms — this despite the fact that there isn't even a limit anymore on how much you can type.

We aren't really using our phones to connect. Quite the opposite, actually. We are allowing our smartphones to keep us from being present with those around us.

So What Are We Using Our Phones For?

"Social" Media

This is a big one. I believe that label is somewhat of a misnomer. There are social aspects to these apps, however, the communication mostly lacks any real depth. When you are sharing with your hundreds of "friends" or "followers," it isn't personal to your relationship with any one individual. So how can that be conducive to true connection?

The larger issue, though, is that oftentimes the use of social media interferes with our interactions with people in the very same room with us. Don't get me wrong — I am absolutely guilty of sitting on the couch next to my husband mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. It's something I recognize I need to work more diligently to temper.

When we get those notifications that give us a little dopamine boost — when someone "likes" a post or "adds you as a friend" — it can interfere with personal and work interactions. When managing restaurants, I saw this all too often: employees taking their phones out of their pockets to check those notifications, which generally didn't make coworkers who were actually focused on their job very pleased. This led to quite a lot of conflict. There shouldn't need to be a line in the employee manual stating that phone use is prohibited during work hours, yet here we are.

Gaming

Games themselves used to be a social thing. We would sit at a table and play card games, board games, or dice games with friends and family. While this is still a thing, it isn't as common as it once was. Now, there can be several people in a room with each person playing something different on their own device.

Many games claim to be social — so while you're sitting at dinner with your spouse, you get a notification that so-and-so challenged you to a game of Yahtzee. What do you do then? Pick up the phone to roll the dice.

Work Bleed

One of the only areas phones are even remotely used for their original intended purpose is for work — depending on your type of job. When you can take your phone everywhere, your boundaries get skewed. You can get work calls, texts, and emails no matter where you are or what time of day. When you can't separate your work life from your home life, there is no doubt your personal relationships will suffer in some way. Your professional relationships can be affected as well, because that coworker, employee, or boss who likes to text on Sunday evenings will certainly end up drawing some ire.

Other Media

It is not uncommon for employees to think the boss can't see those earbuds being used to listen to music from the phone. When you can't hear what others are saying, you are not going to have a very positive relationship with your boss or coworkers. Then there are apps like TikTok — the running joke now is that people somehow find themselves spending hours on it, in the process neglecting everything and everyone around them.

The News

This one not only keeps us from being present with those around us — it can also lead to a great amount of conflict. There is a lot going on right now that the news is reporting on, and it's practically inescapable when we pick up our phones. Whether we choose to get lost in news apps or we go on social media, we find people vehemently arguing their sides, misinformation being put out there from all directions.

While being informed isn't a bad thing, there's a limit. There are a lot of angry people these days. Long-established friendships are suffering because of differences of opinion. People are losing their jobs because they simply can't help but post about their take on the latest breaking news. That's a fairly compelling case for looking at your smartphone a little less.

Moderation Is Key

This isn't to say that smartphones are inherently bad. As with everything in life, moderation is key.

Next time you sit down to dinner out, challenge yourself to keep your phone off the table and be present with the person or people you're with. Don't let your phone be the first thing you interact with in the morning and the last thing you interact with at night.

I do, however, encourage you to pick up your phone and call someone. Not just to make plans. Simply to talk.